Friday, October 31, 2008

again, untitled..

this week was a hectic week for me...things happen very unexpectedly, i was freak out for a moment, i cant think straightly or even tak boleh berfikir secara logik...so, i can tell myself that i cant work under pressure..those yang tau, tau la apa yang jadi kat i kan? after a long day, i rewarded myself a facial and mandi sauna at this one new so called spa with a friend yang memang satu kepala dengan i...we went there around 6.30pm, and back home around 8.30pm..sekejap je, but it was very relax and cool myself down...to fiona, thanks a lot for everything and also for the news the news that u can cure my skin...i guess, setiap yang jadi ada hikmahnya kan? after all, i was pretty okay la...

and the next day, i started with oren kebaya, which i found it agak ketat or it is ketat, but i dont want to admit it! ehe...it was a wonderful day, until he came and torturing me! godd, its not like i never did, in fact i do treat him very well before, it just dia yang tak sabar je...arrghhh! then again i freak out! and start rasa tak sedap hati....i cried, and cried, and cried...i feel like i want to give up! i rsa macam i dah fail buat semua ni..if i know doing this was this hard, i wouldn't quit everything i did before...i'm stressed out! since Ramadhan, i cant get out from this problem...its become worst than i thought it will..hnaya Dia yang tahu, berapa banyak airmata keluar dari mata ini, betapa tertekannya perasaan & fikiran....but i think i hide it very well, from people around me..it just, my mom keep on asking me, wether i have problems or not...naluri ibu...but i refused to share with her...

one night, i didnt sleep...all i dowas, sit and think widely and wisely about the things yang jdi kat i...i figured out the main course..and i had just 1 answer: ME..its all started with me...i'm not good enough, not serius enough, not kuat enough..semua is not enough, i have to give everything to the maximum, sampai i sendiri pun tak terjangka i will...

so, after all things happen, i also can see who is the truly friend and so call best friend...so here are some kata-kata for those yang berkenaan:

to you: thanks a lot for listening to me, my story, my view, and my cry...thanks for the time you were there for me and be by my side..thanks for the love you shared with me..thanks for always helping me to get through hard times..thanks for always suport me and motivate me and layan my merepek and stupid dreams...and yes, terima kasih banyak2...

to you: terima kasih sebab banyak tolong selama ni, and all the tolongs were still safe inside ours...rasa2 nya lah kan...i promise i'll pay everything back to you..u were wonderful and very helpful nad i guess, i misjudge u selama ni...and i;m really sorry about that...now, i know the truth and i promise if u need help, i will always be around for you..samada, mentally or physically..and the our plan is still on kan, i hope it will jadi kenyataan soon..kita sama2 doa..amin..

so thats all, and thank you for the two of you..

xoxo

Saturday, October 25, 2008

number 3

this is number 2..rasanya la kot..macam squirrel kan? hehe..cantek je dia melingkau macam tu...glamer dah number 3 ni...sipa masuk blog..

xoxo


wedge, i'm in love

look familiar? i know, everybody seems to have it one since long ago, but i, just got it last week...i love it sampai rasa sayang nak pakai, jadi i decided to pakai her only for special majlis..ehe..=) its black, its plain, simple and i just love it..it fit in my kaki just nice in size 6...perfect!! i named it miss W..

to miss W: you will be safe with me..i promise to take care of u forever...i love you very much! thank you for make my day and make my life happy again...hope our jodoh will last forever..>.<

syrup with love


percaya atau tidak, semalam i buat air sirap untuk pertama kali...jadi la air sirap tu, and rasa pun not bad la jugak...tau sape yang try? a boy named aiman, student uitm yang selalu datang kacau i kat jellybeans...and i paksa dia cakap sedap air tuh..tapi i memang rasa macam sedap je..

to aiman: sorry if the syrup didn't taste that good but i think its ok kan? =)

xoxo

Friday, October 24, 2008

p/s: i love you

serius ni, this movie sangat best! ten fingers up!

kepada sesiapa yang belum menonton, please pergilah menonton...tapi rasanya kena cari dvd la ye...

i bought the novel, belum abeh lagi baca..sigh..

xoxo

m a r a h

semalam marah, bengang and rasa tertipu...but, after sleep and talk to a friend, then i'm okay dah...

and you! the people yang buat aku marah! jangan ingat aku tak tau, aku tau la...even dia tu pun lagi international dari kau tau! huh! merepek kot kau ni...

marah! marah!

tapi dah cool dah...
thanks babe, to hear my story....hope to see you soon..and enjoy your doing...you were there at the time i need someone...macam mana u tau ye? oh lupa, u're psikik..haha..=) enjoy life darl..

xoxo
(do i look desperate to u now, as i'm writing a bit about u..eheh!)

a message

this is for you, yes for you...

i heard peoples complaining about u so many times..sampai dah tak larat nak dengar lagi..dah kalau namanya pun complain kan, dah tentu2 yang tak baik...we're closed, sebab tu i rasa macam susah sangat for us to have a little chat about everything..i wanted to talk to you, tapi everytime you come to me, and make those faces, i said to myself: "never mind, i'll talk to dia some other time.." sampai bila pun tak tau la...they say, kalau lagi close lagi senang untuk be true..yes, but me not! lagi susah ada..i found this is part of my responsibilty to get u out from there and living a real life...

babe, i hate to hear they complains and talk about u, but i have to agree with them as i see how things happen to u lately..i knew what u've been doing, with who u hang out with, and who are u called them as friends...ape yang u ada sekarang ni, it will end..its just the matter of time and how it will end...jangan harap la these things yang u lalui sekarang ni akan berakhir dengan sebuah mimpi iindah as it will be end like mimpi ngeri + the most nightmare you ever had in your life...dia ruining u, as dia memang ruined and dia is grabbing u along...u are so going down with dia...please, jangan buat semua ni lagi....u have to stop!! i know u are having fun with all these, tapi trust me, semua ni hanya khayalan semata...

memang la tak salah, nak having fun BUT u have to have the limit, bukan jadikan semua ni as cara hidup.....i do love you, thats why i'm sending you this...i wanted u to know babe, that u are so deserved so much better than this!

seorang kakak, sepatutnya menjaga adik and give her guidelines how to be good with her precious experiences, tapi apa yang your kakak buat sekarang ni is, she is completely ruining your whole life to the end...trust me, you will see it soon.....

xoxo and i love very much...

Thursday, October 23, 2008

separuh nafas

separuh nafasku terbang bersama dirimu saat aku tinggalkan aku, salahkan ku..salahkah aku, bila aku bukanlah seperti aku yang dahulu...ada makna tergali dari sini, dari pertikaian yang terjadi..kau hancurkan diriku, bila kau tinggalkan ak..kau dewi ku..kembalilah padaku, bawa separuh nafasku, kau dewi ku...

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

whats the story

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

untitled

banyak sangat nak cerita ni...all are exciting stories, its just i tak tau mana nak start dulu...

ok, couples of weeks ago, i went to MPH at Mahkota Parade, saje je jalan2 kan? and as i made my entrance, at the right there are books about horoscope...and denganrasa bangganya i mengaku, tak banyak pun sikit la, i do have sdikir percaya in horoscope..tapi not completely as i belive in Allah SWT..but as for fun and suka2 and for gatal2 boleh ler...uhuk! then, i dah tentu2 cari mine la kan..it says, this month is bulan duit untuk i...its all about the money, and carrier sumer..my personal life, biasa2 je...like a friend said: mata ada sign dollar...boleh tak? ape yang dia pk sampai macam tu sekali pun i tak tau..huhu...but unfortunately, the money are just ok je dengan i, tapi others are not...(yes, i bersyukur dengan rezeki itu...) what i mean here is, this month supposed to be all about my money and carier but, i dont think so...now, its more to personal...i suddenly get a chance to knowing people and everything..(mama, u dont smile like that..i know you know...) well, its a good thing...but deep down me, i'm happy with this...its just, i want me to be safe, and its not not just safe but very safe...

bila difikirkan, maybe its time for me to open the part of me which i've been closed for so long...open up, get the fresh air, and i never know what might come and pleasure me aite? things happen for a reason...yes, i must open that part..even not for love but why not kan? ajal, maut, jodoh semua ditangan Allah...=) smiling ni..i'm done trying, not searching but still hoping...i know what i want, but sometime i got carried away..i hate it when i'm in that situation sebab its like fairytales, and i dont belive in fairytales....

so far, everything is just baik, and ok....kalau ada benda yang boleh dishare nanti i'll post it again next time..at this moment, i am so happy and smiling all the way...i have a wonderful life to live....

xoxo

xoxo

Sunday, October 19, 2008

selamat kembali


welcome back!
there are no other words i can say to our lovely ME...this ME hari tu stay at my sister in law mom's sebab we dont have a prope place to put him..so now, as din dah dapat lesen kereta, my abg pass it to him for him to go to college..

to ME, welcome home....=)

happy birthday




the birthday boy: idzat...3 years old...abang, we all love you very much..jangan dengki2 nagn syamine tau...=)

the birthday girl: sarah jasmine ; 1 year old...syamine, we all love you very much...
the birthday cake..idzat chosed because he saw the ultraman...
"mama, abang nak ultraman tiga ma..." huhu..
the cake was from Berry's at Taipan subang jaya..thank you to Berry's....we all love the cake espcially, our idzat...he ate the ultraman..haha..monster yang lawan dengan ultraman pon tak makan ultraman kan kan kan?..
no wish i guess sebab dah excited sangat nak blow the candles...there are 4 candles, sebab idzat turn 3 on this wednesday 22/10 and syamine turn 1 tomorrow 20/10...
the cake after blow the candles...cut with love from idzat of course....


p/s: an early birthday party....huhu...present pending ye, nanti cik yu bagi.....mmuuahhh! love you two very much....

Friday, October 17, 2008

friend or no friend

again, this Q hit my head....

xoxo

hypocrite

ramai orang hipokrit ni...samada dekat dengan kita or tak..or kadang2 kita sendiri pun hipokrit jugak, tak kira ddengan diri sendiri or dengan orang lain...samala, i pun..but for me, hipokrit tu if untuk kebaikan apa salahnya...asalkan jangan sampai jadi plastik sudah...kan ida kan? plastik tu rasanya too mean la babe...huhu...

i hate to judge people as i hate to be judge jugak, but sometime i have to..to those yang i judge ni, i mintak maaf sangat2..you guys, kadang2 sangat annoying me and i dont feel comfortable with it...i wont tell u a name but ada la a few people yang i rasa macam i nak shut down teros...

started with this one ok...dia ni baik sebenarnya, sangat baik, tapi kebaikan dia tu pada i is tak ikhlas enough..well, not her fault completely la, sebab no one is perfect kan..so in this little situation, dia ada la annoying sikit..and i dont like it la..that is so my problem..and i really dont know how to tell dia...but, i just continue la..so, i'm hipokriting myself la ni...huhu..sorry, i just dont want to lose a friend hanya kerana apa yang i rasa sendiri..maybe, we are just not satu kepala...tapi kan, what happen now is can contribute to a huge misunderstanding among/between us...to you, i hate to be diperbodohkan as i knew what u are being up to behind me...i'm not that stupid la...can u just put yourself for awhile la kan, into my situation, are u feel comfortable with it?

sigh

i love what i'm doing, what i have at this moment in my life..i dah tak nak stuck dalam hal2 macam ni lagi..i keep on reminding myself to not to get involve with this **** but now it happen again...god, i just wanted a normal life for me...i had enough with things that i'm done in the past, i wanted to settle everything down and enjoy life to the end..i take this thing as my halangan to my happily ever after, and i will pas through it nanti and somehow...=) i'm waiting, not searching but hoping......to you, i will stop doing what i'm doing to you sebab kita mungkin tak sehaluan and tak sekepala and i also dont want any issue come up yang bolehkan kita gadoh sesama sendiri..its a loss, for me to lose someone like you, but i think this is the best way untuk kita...we may not so call friend but at least we have a time to get know each other..the secrets shared, i promise that it will be safe with me 'till the end...

sigh

so this is another one, close jugak...close ke? close la...pasal dia ni, i tak tau cane nak put on words becuse its quite complicated and its linking to the 3rd party...i'm not thta angry but sometime i rasa macam stuck...u know, i cant pretend very well if i dont like someone-somene ni tau..kadang2 i can, kadang2 i cannot..and the worst part is when i cannot, its naturaly show in my face and reaction and perbuatan i..i takot sangat if hurt dia, tapi, i cannot la...to dia, i am so sorry my dear, we just lost it...i cant do this anymore...i malu, and rasa macam bodoh je...and i dont want to discuss it with you about this..lets just, face it, take it, and leave it....

sigh

susahnya bila dah ramai kawan...bila tak de kawan rasa sunyi pula...i miss my old days which i surrounded by people yang sangat ikhlas with each other...but as they said, life have its ups and downs, kalau tak de ups and downs, then no meaning la...kan?

sigh..(lagi...)

ok, this is the last one..last post i ada post pasal kawan or friend..and i masa tu i ada terasa yang i akan kehilangan someone yang i sayang..memula tu i tak tau sape, tapi sekarang i tau sape dah....i ni sebenrnya sangat mudah terasa but i didnt show it very well i guess, sebab i tak nak fikir hal remeh temeh...it happened when i was so damn stress, and i really need someone to talk and shout too...i cari dia, but dia wasnt there for me...that time macam2 i rasa...marah, benci, tak suka, semua ada...dia bagi harapan untuk bersama(berkawan) sampai bila2 tapi whenever i need dia most, dia tiada disitu...i was so frust dengan dia, sangat frust...to u, i'm sorry sebab sangat frust and tak nak jumpa u at this moment..i rasa macam i ni diabaikan..i tak tau apa masalah or situasi u pada waktu tu, tapi as benda dah jadi, and kita let it la...boleh kan? and again, i jadi hipokrit lagi..god, i tak suka sangat jadi macam ni...tapi tu lah, i tau tau nak buat amcam mana..but azam said, "ko tak yah pk la..baik ko pk pasal hal lain yang lagi penting.." so true, so now i nak shut down all the sources yang boleh membawa i kepada benda2 merepek and stupid ni....=) yey!

well then, thats all folks....

xoxo

Sunday, October 12, 2008

saturday:12/10/2008:48, jalan oz 20:open house raya

kak illa....and kak win...my sister punya sisters..(konfuse? me not...)
yey! our hostess, yang pakai jeans tu..that is my lovable sister....mama, u're in my blog..yey! yey!
this is kids area..got a lots of chocolates and soft drinks which tetamu utama and always is our lovely Mimi...she loves chocolates....way to go Mi..=) love you always...
the house at main entrance after the setting..of course the arrangements are from my abang and lovable sister in law...mama.....huhu..=)
the vips area..got fruits, kueh raya, tempeyek, and air masak...
main table, main dish....welcome2...
these 2 are my friends...on the chair is kak Kaseh(yang kasot raya dia sama ngan i tu..), and yang duduk tu is our all time favourite diva kak wati......huhu..love you two...thanks for coming..
the foods..nasi beriyani ujong pasir, nasi himpit kuah kacang, kek buah, fruits, kek lapis, kek, triffle(betol ke selling ni?), sandwich telur and sardin(made with love, thats why abeh..haha..), sirap limau, teh tarik..
before the majlis start..after setting..see the air sirap and teh tarik? aha...
well, for all yang datang, kami mengucapkan berbanyak terima kaseh....kalau yu all buat open house, ajak la kitorang jugak....hehe...thank u so much...

xoxo

Friday, October 10, 2008

from a sis..

" banyak2 bersabar ok, yup time will heal all, insyaAllah..but you are better now rite?"

"well, i understand that...tadi pun dia ada tau just as i was leaving..dia pun single lagi as far as i know..you are not pathetic dear, just besotted :) i used to think i have faith in you two, but now, i didnt know..maybe it's not that you cant get a boyfren but maybe you've been closed part of your heart..let it be ok, love will find you.."

"do you want to try again my dear? he's close and there's no harm being friends..sure, you gotta be really strong and this may sound corny, but think positive..thats what u can do, and don't let yourself down no matter what.."

"that's alright..time will heals everything and at least you are taking little baby steps to let him go.. but you are not pining for him, so that's good for you..God always has a plan for all of us, so just sit back and let life unfold itself for you :)"

to sis:
yes, i'm trying everything to put everything i had back together as it was..but i cant turn back time sis, i have to move on to live...no shame to admit to you that i failed so many time...i wanted too but i just cant....sometime i feel like i'm done searching but, inside me i still want it...i am trying, still trying but it hurts.......................and its hurting me.....

maybe its just a matter of time..masanya belum sampai untuk me izit? when the time is here, i will show it to the world.......................

anyway, thanks for the support, i do appreciate but its all up to me kan? i know you will be here for me, and always do........

love ya sista...

xoxo

i'm blessed!!

good story to share and for you guys to jadikan teladan bukan ikutan...ceritanya....

on last Tuesday:7th October 2008, i came to Jellybeans with semangat yang berkobar2..together with me, i brought along keropok lekor for my friends la and it was in 2 plastic bags which big enough to fill my both hands..and after i pay the parking which is RM2 to the pak cik parking, i was happily walking to my lovely Mara building(godd, i miss Jellybenas so much!)..and there i was, from the tangga, i can see that kak Kaseh opened her shop:
"mak aii..awalnya, baru kol 8..sangat ambitious kot...."
i talked to myself ler..and as i was walking to her butik, i can se one lovely pair of shoes...
"oh my godd! please don't tell me! please, please..."
i was, pejam celik, pejam celik so that the shoes will disappear from my eyes...as i'm in front of the butik,
"yes, it is my shoes! my kasot raya.."
i hope i can take the picture but apparently, i dotn have the camera..huhu..but later i'll ask kak Kaseh ye to upload the pic of the shoes..haha...and i came in to the butik,
"akak.....that is sooo my kasot raya laa...why we have the same one?"
and kak Kaseh only doing what you know? smiling....and smiling...all she tanya was,
"laa, ye ke? nana beli kat mana? Vincci JJ ke?"..
"tak, Vincci MP..nape sama kak? and what size u pakai?"
"6..u?"
"you've got to be kidding me kak! me too..."
see, world is so small...and me with kak Kaseh have the same minat..not all la, selalunya banyak la kot yang tak sama nye.,..huhu...cuma kali ni, kebetulan..takdirNya kan? kita tak pernah tau...=)

and after having fun, gelak2 all day(got so many gelak with Intan..she 's funny..i like her..!) because we all can be together again after Ramadhan..huhu..seronok dapat berkumpul ni..macam2 cerita ada...thre was at 5pm, and kak Kaseh is going to balik with me ...and after i sut the aircond, close the cash register, and keep all the miney..i cari my car key...and i cant find it..i'm panicked! i asked kak Kaseh wether i left it in her butik but she, as fast as she can, jawab,
"tak de la na.."
then again i double panicked! mana la pulak ak letak kunci ni...carik la dalam segala drawer yang ada, semua la...and kak Kaseh i paksa dia tolong carikkan jugak...and tak jumpa! i wanted to cry...sebab macam dah hilang arah tujuan dah time tu...only god knows apa yang i rasa...after 1/2 an hour, last2 kak Kaseh cakap,
"ke Nana tertinggal dalam kereta kot.." and i was dengan yakinnye,
"tak...i remember bawak kunci tu kat tangan la kak masa nak datang kedai tadi.."
"cuba nana g tengok mana tau kan..and tengok jgak kat jalan tu, kot tercicir.."
"tercicir? cannot be!! kalau cicir mesti kereta dah tak de!" i talked to myself..and at this stage, what can i only imagine was, my abang face, his reaction, and how mad he can be..sure he will mad like crazy la..well, i lost a car..a car that he bought for me! oh goddd..........there goes me...i am so a dead meat! takot, marah, geram, nak nangis, semua all in one...its a car, C.A.R...its a car...i lost a CAR! i cant think....only "Tuhan, tolong la jangan hilangkan kereta ak.."
and as i walked to the parking park, my eyes duk ninjau2 kat dalam semua longkang2 yang ada sepanjang2 perjalanan tu...and there i was at parking..i cant see my car..because a van blocked it..and i walked slowly...
"yess!! my car is still HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" jumping? no la...huhu..
i'm not losing it..it still here....and pergi dengan lebih dekat...yes! it didnt lock! ya Allah.....and dekat lagi, the key were there at the tempat start engine kereta tu....and me, SPEECHLESS!!!! memang tak tau nak cakap ape lagi waktu nampak kunci tu...rasa macam nak sujud syukur kat situ jugak..tapi since orang ramai duk lalu lalang, then i tak buat ler...memang super duper speechless...tak tau nak cakap ape...i'm BLESSED! by who? by ALLAH YANG MAHA ESA....
"aku syukur padaMu Tuhan....ampunkan segala dosa-dosa ku...."

i cried, menangis sebab selama ni aku lalai untuk menjadi seorang umatNya yang taat...HE giving me a second chance and this is like a wake up call for me..yes, aku sedar akan hakikat itu...insyAllah, i will and this is a must...mungkin Dia tau aku lalai, then he tested me kan? HE was with me, wacthing over me...I'M BLESSED BY HIM...and aku bersyukur....

and there was me....a story which can jadikan teladan....always remember, and double check!

xoxo