hypocrite

ramai orang hipokrit ni...samada dekat dengan kita or tak..or kadang2 kita sendiri pun hipokrit jugak, tak kira ddengan diri sendiri or dengan orang lain...samala, i pun..but for me, hipokrit tu if untuk kebaikan apa salahnya...asalkan jangan sampai jadi plastik sudah...kan ida kan? plastik tu rasanya too mean la babe...huhu...

i hate to judge people as i hate to be judge jugak, but sometime i have to..to those yang i judge ni, i mintak maaf sangat2..you guys, kadang2 sangat annoying me and i dont feel comfortable with it...i wont tell u a name but ada la a few people yang i rasa macam i nak shut down teros...

started with this one ok...dia ni baik sebenarnya, sangat baik, tapi kebaikan dia tu pada i is tak ikhlas enough..well, not her fault completely la, sebab no one is perfect kan..so in this little situation, dia ada la annoying sikit..and i dont like it la..that is so my problem..and i really dont know how to tell dia...but, i just continue la..so, i'm hipokriting myself la ni...huhu..sorry, i just dont want to lose a friend hanya kerana apa yang i rasa sendiri..maybe, we are just not satu kepala...tapi kan, what happen now is can contribute to a huge misunderstanding among/between us...to you, i hate to be diperbodohkan as i knew what u are being up to behind me...i'm not that stupid la...can u just put yourself for awhile la kan, into my situation, are u feel comfortable with it?

sigh

i love what i'm doing, what i have at this moment in my life..i dah tak nak stuck dalam hal2 macam ni lagi..i keep on reminding myself to not to get involve with this **** but now it happen again...god, i just wanted a normal life for me...i had enough with things that i'm done in the past, i wanted to settle everything down and enjoy life to the end..i take this thing as my halangan to my happily ever after, and i will pas through it nanti and somehow...=) i'm waiting, not searching but hoping......to you, i will stop doing what i'm doing to you sebab kita mungkin tak sehaluan and tak sekepala and i also dont want any issue come up yang bolehkan kita gadoh sesama sendiri..its a loss, for me to lose someone like you, but i think this is the best way untuk kita...we may not so call friend but at least we have a time to get know each other..the secrets shared, i promise that it will be safe with me 'till the end...

sigh

so this is another one, close jugak...close ke? close la...pasal dia ni, i tak tau cane nak put on words becuse its quite complicated and its linking to the 3rd party...i'm not thta angry but sometime i rasa macam stuck...u know, i cant pretend very well if i dont like someone-somene ni tau..kadang2 i can, kadang2 i cannot..and the worst part is when i cannot, its naturaly show in my face and reaction and perbuatan i..i takot sangat if hurt dia, tapi, i cannot la...to dia, i am so sorry my dear, we just lost it...i cant do this anymore...i malu, and rasa macam bodoh je...and i dont want to discuss it with you about this..lets just, face it, take it, and leave it....

sigh

susahnya bila dah ramai kawan...bila tak de kawan rasa sunyi pula...i miss my old days which i surrounded by people yang sangat ikhlas with each other...but as they said, life have its ups and downs, kalau tak de ups and downs, then no meaning la...kan?

sigh..(lagi...)

ok, this is the last one..last post i ada post pasal kawan or friend..and i masa tu i ada terasa yang i akan kehilangan someone yang i sayang..memula tu i tak tau sape, tapi sekarang i tau sape dah....i ni sebenrnya sangat mudah terasa but i didnt show it very well i guess, sebab i tak nak fikir hal remeh temeh...it happened when i was so damn stress, and i really need someone to talk and shout too...i cari dia, but dia wasnt there for me...that time macam2 i rasa...marah, benci, tak suka, semua ada...dia bagi harapan untuk bersama(berkawan) sampai bila2 tapi whenever i need dia most, dia tiada disitu...i was so frust dengan dia, sangat frust...to u, i'm sorry sebab sangat frust and tak nak jumpa u at this moment..i rasa macam i ni diabaikan..i tak tau apa masalah or situasi u pada waktu tu, tapi as benda dah jadi, and kita let it la...boleh kan? and again, i jadi hipokrit lagi..god, i tak suka sangat jadi macam ni...tapi tu lah, i tau tau nak buat amcam mana..but azam said, "ko tak yah pk la..baik ko pk pasal hal lain yang lagi penting.." so true, so now i nak shut down all the sources yang boleh membawa i kepada benda2 merepek and stupid ni....=) yey!

well then, thats all folks....

xoxo